the stories we tell ourselves

I am nothing. I am worthless. I am a failure. I can’t do anything right. God doesn’t care about me. I am a let down to the people I love and to God. I suck. If I ghosted no one will care. If I didn’t reach out to people no one would check-in on me. No one loves me. No one cares about me. People are judging me by my mistakes. People characterize me by my past…..the stories we tell ourselves. 

How many times have we told ourselves a version of those statements listed above, hec maybe even those exact statements. Twelve months ago I decided to listen to God and actually write down moments of my and your faith journeys in stories and devotionals. Before the first one was ever sent out I had similar thoughts that no one would read any of the words I write, that these emails would quickly transition to your junk mails. As I look back over the past 12 months I realized that even if I didn’t get one response my heart would be full because I obeyed God (& let’s say that it took some time to get to that point). 

In a recent training my boss reminded us of Peter and Jesus restorative conversation in John. John 21:15-17 states, “15 After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. 16 Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. 17 A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.” If you remember just a few books before in Matthew, Jesus told him that he would deny him 3 times before the cock crew and Peter did just that when asked if he was a follower of Christ. The text says that Peter wept bitterly. I wasn’t there but I imagine that Petter cried so much that his eyes were swollen the next day, his head was aching, and let's say it was probably one of those cries that he had to gasp/pause to get a breath in. 

Can you imagine the stories that Peter  was telling himself before Jesus restores him? If Peter was anything like me he probably replayed each of those conversations over and over thinking of how he could have not let Jesus down. It is almost like the argument that you had with someone and you think of all the things you should have said or could have done to get a better outcome. Guess what, Jesus came to restore all of us. He came to change our narrative. He came to show us the story we should be playing. John 21 shows us Jesus asking Peter, “do you love me?.” He asks Peter this question the exact amount of times that Peter denied him. After the same question each time he gives a command. Feed my lambs. Take care of my sheep. Feed my sheep. 

The last verse  in the scripture shows Peter’s frustration with Jesus after he is asked the same question for the third time.  “17 A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.” The scripture says that Peter was hurt. Can you imagine Peter having the audacity to be hurt after he denied Jesus the same one that protected and cared for him. Can you imagine what Peter was probably feeling. Not just hurt but probably annoyed, probably waiting for Jesus to bring up his mistake that he had made, probably thinking that Jesus is about to throw this failure in his face. Instead Jesus does the opposite of that, washing his own warped story of his identity and affirming him as one that he has called to do his work. Jesus responds, “feed my sheep.” In other words, go tell my people that I am the one true saviour, go tell them that I came so that everyone could have salvation, go tell them that they are a royal priesthood, go tell them that they are loved, go tell that they are forgiven, go tell them that I won’t let go of them because of a mistake, go tell them I am a redeemer, go tell them I am a restorer, GO TELL THEM I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE. 

Jesus’s version of my story brings tears to my eyes.  When I'm ready to give up, he doesn’t let me go, he reminds me that his banner of love hangs over me. What story are you telling yourself? Would Jesus tell it the same way? If not, share it with him and have him rewrite your truth, the truth that he’s called you into. YOU ARE LOVED. His story is better, tell that story. 

Prayer: God thank you for dying for us. Thanks for rewriting our stories when you sacrificed your life and shed your blood for us. Thank you for loving us so much that you don’t live in the past but you always see us through your potential, through the breath that you breathed to give us life. Help us to tell our stories through your lense. The one where you’ve covered us by your love and called us into your family. Thank you for being consistent and steady even when we are not. I pray for a blessing of overflow in this season of life for everyone reading this. I pray for prosperity, for redemption, for restoration, for forgiveness, and not just for us but also for those that plot and plan against us. Help us to love our brother and sister like you love us and like we love ourself. God, for every business idea I ask that you give that person the wisdom to manifest it, for every barren womb I ask that you open it so that they can be fruitful and multiply, for every gift being asked for I ask that you remove the discractions so that their focus can be on you, for every ministry that is being cultivated I ask that you remove the emotion of fear, for every marriage I pray for an increase in intimacy, mending of any brokenness, and a spirit of compromise, father I pray for all of the young adults trying to live for you, I pray that you keep us grounded and stayed on you, give us the strength to continue this marathon so that we can hear “well done,” I pray for my job and everyone that works at UrbanPromise or connected to UP, I pray for our campers and SLs and their families, may every need be met this year and may you get the glory from their growth and victories, I pray for my family God, I pray that we continue to love even in hard times, I pray for growth, change, and prosperity, I pray for promotions not just professionally but spiritually, save those that aren’t saved and bring them into your house, lastly I pray for everyone that can’t pray for themselves, forgive us and them for all sins seen and unseen and let your true word pierce our hearts. Jesus I love you, it’s in your name that we will rejoice and praise always and forever. Amen. 

an ex somebody, 

Rolanda.

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#devotional #jesussaves #jesusfollower #love #ex